These are some more misbeliefs that I have come across in My years as a dominant. I feel that to be a successful submissive, you must first embrace that these are all false. Female Domination is more beautiful than many tend to see.
1) There is Only One Right Way to be a Sub / Bottom / Domme / Top
I have touched on this topic previously and will go into more detail as time goes on, but there is a lot of variety within the kink community. The only dominatrix desired by subs is not the one wearing leather from head to toe and wearing a ten-inch BBC strap on or wielding a whip. That may be the character most often seen when googling “FemDom Porn” or within mainstream media, but there are far more different styles of female domination than that.
I can command attention and respect with a stern look and the raise of one eyebrow just as much as I can by shouting and wielding a weapon of sorts. There is also no one way to be a submissive. The only “right way” to do anything in BDSM is to ensure that both parties are informed and consenting. That’s it! All you have to do is have two legal adults sit down and come to a conclusion about what they desire. And what they don’t desire. Whatever end they come to is the right way for them. Female Domination falls across a wide spectrum.
2) It is Not Real BDSM if You Pay / Charge for Female Domination
For the life of me, I cannot understand this conclusion. The food I make in My kitchen is just as real as the food that I go to purchase at a sit-down restaurant. While they are both equally as “real,” I do expect the menu at the five-star restaurant to be better than the food prepared in My kitchen. I am not a chef, and the food that I eat daily is relatively average. The five-star restaurant’s kitchen is, however, full of people who have spent their entire lives studying cuisine and practicing honing their craft. While I do enjoy cooking, it is not a skill I have dedicated much time to learning as I have other work to be doing. Do you see where I am going with this analogy?
Even someone who practices female domination as a hobby probably won’t dedicate as much time to it as someone who has dedicated their entire career to the practice. I quit My previous job to become a Dominatrix full time so that I could dedicate myself to learning all that I could. There are countless benefits to both paid and free BDSM encounters, but you can’t discount someone who has spent 40+ hours a week, for years, in a dungeon. (Doesn’t have to be an actual dungeon space – could be anywhere sessions are held)
They have had sessions with many different humans and catered to many different fetishes over time. When you pay a professional dominant, you are paying for that experience. You know that they underwent appropriate training, or, if they haven’t, you refuse the session.
The length of a session is not all of the time that the dominant sacrifices for that session. A lot of forethought and planning go into the best scenes, whether they are in person or online. The dominant has to ensure that everything is just so to bring the subs fantasies to life. Depending on the illusion the Domme intends to create, this can be quite the involved process. To many submissives, it can be quite a daunting process to try to find someone to fulfill their fantasies.
Often, it may be next to impossible to find someone interested in donating so much of their free time to someone else’s fantasy. Loving Female Domination is a lot of work. For many, it is easier to simply google the services that they are interested in and book a session with an experienced professional dominatrix for her set rate. Something that might be difficult to explain to a potential hook up is more than likely run of the mill to any domme who caters to that particular fetish.
I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that BDSM is whatever two consenting parties agree it is. If a dollar amount for the session to take place is a part of the agreement, so be it. If you think a paid session is inauthentic, by all means, don’t purchase one or talk to professional dommes.
3) A Good Submissive/Dominant has No Limits
I don’t know where this idea started. Some sort of sub competition, perhaps? In My experience, there are few things more frustrating than trying to session with a sub who claims to have no limits. (I wrote a blog post about it, check it out HERE) Limits are the boundaries that I can form the session within and can let Me know what you have experimented with before. If you are giving Me no boundaries, you aren’t giving Me the covers of the storybook.
It makes it extremely difficult to get a session going. It also demonstrates that you have little to no understanding of yourself or the situation into which you stumbled. Do you think you have no limits? Shave off your eyebrow. That doesn’t bother you? Tattoo my name on your forehead. Everyone has limits, and a sub claiming to have none comes off as inexperienced and overeager.
If you are genuinely naive, let a dominant know. Most people draw the line at permanent harm or exposure to people in their life who don’t know about their kinky side. Those who are novices will probably have a long list of limits compared to those who have had time to “push past them.” Whether a submissive is a novice or a seasoned vet, the only thing that makes a sub “good” or “bad” in regards to limits is their understanding of them. A good sub would come to the superior and present them with a list of hard and soft limits, and keep their record up to date should anything ever change.
The same goes for Dommes. A common limit for many dommes is that they won’t expose their naked bodies. Another common one is that they will not behave as a submissive.
There are so many fetishes associated with female domination it is impossible to keep track. I don’t care who you are in this world; there is no way that you are into every single fetish out there. Trust me; there are too many polar opposite fetishes on this earth. Keep a list of your limits. Check it regularly.
4) There are No Safety Measures or Guidelines in Female Domination
This belief could not be further than the truth. We already discussed it earlier, so I won’t beat a dead horse too much. PRICK and RACK are the first things that someone entering the scene should learn. Without knowing what those acronyms mean, you can’t practice ethically, and many will refuse to play with you. The community also tends to band together and ostracise those who do not comply with PRICK and RACK guidelines. You must always consider safety measures and guidelines as they vary person to person and encounter to encounter.
5) A Submissive has No Control in a BDSM Power Exchange Scenario
Let’s put together everything that we have learned so far today. There are two people involved in the encounter; the dominant and the submissive. The sadist and the masochist. Both parties thoroughly enjoy the role that they play to the fullest. There is going to be one person dishing out the pain, whether it be mental or physical, and there is going to be one person receiving it. However, the entire encounter is contingent upon continuous consent. Who is going to be more likely to withdraw consent in this scenario, thus ending the session? Once the sub withdraws consent, all power the Domme once had is now lost, back in the slave’s hands. Submissives consent to relinquish their control to a domme before the scene begins.
But remember, any domme worth their salt would never continue a session once a hard limit has been reached. Anybody who stays in a session once someone withdraws consent is nothing more than an abuser. In My eyes, I think the submissive holds the most power in a power exchange scenario, as they are ultimately deciding how far the Domme can go and how much power they give Her.
